Last week we discussed all about dating, but this we got to talk about marriage. But obviously we don't just transition from dating to marriage, so here are the four transitions:
1) Dating
2) Courtship
3) Engagement
4) Marriage
Dating gives us the opportunity to meet lots of people and discover the type of person we eventually want to marry. Once we find someone that we like and decide that we only want to date them, that is when we would exclusively date them. Which means that it is more serious and you would consider yourselves to be in a relationship. And of course, if that works out you would move to engagement and eventually marriage.
Throughout this class and a few others, I have discovered that in the dating, courting, and engagement stages it is very crucial to ask certain questions about how things might be during marriage. Maybe we wouldn't think to as certain questions while dating someone because in our minds we think, "it isn't serious so maybe I shouldn't bring this up now". But what if things do become serious and you didn't think to ask how many kids they want? What is your attitude about debt? How much debt they/or you are in? How do they feel about getting financial help from family? Do you want to share finances and assets? What is their expectation about who will earn the money in the family? How do they feel about tithing and donations? Or how do they feel about church or church activities? These are all things we should all ask while still in the dating stage because I feel that if we tell ourselves that "we can figure it out later" it will be harder to do so later. We might eventually reach a point where we might be confused because you love someone but then realize that you don't agree on everything.
I have always been told that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but I always wondered why. In my mind I thought it would be the easiest because you are newlyweds and don't have kids so you get to spend a lot of time together. I didn't occur to me until hearing personally from family members and friends that it really is the hardest. There are so many things that change from from being single to being married. You need to take into account the fact that you will now share a bed, a bathroom, expenses, and much more. For example within the first month it is important to establish boundaries with friends and family, household rules and roles, schedules, and budgets. Within the first year you'll want to turn your house into a home, decide where you go for the holidays, start your own traditions, and how often you visit family if they live nearby.
These are all things that one not take into account but are very important in establishing early on in the marriage. My sister and her husband are both on the same page when it come to receiving financial help from their families, so they decided that when it comes to choosing where to go for the holidays it will just depend on whether they can afford to go somewhere or not. If they don't have the money they just stay home and do their own thing.
For those who struggle in the first year of marriage, there is a never failing formula which has four steps and they are:
1) Proper approach to marriage
2) There must be great unselfishness
3) Continued courtship
4) Complete living of the commandments
I have seen how my sister and her husband have followed these steps and they definitely had a great first year of marriage.
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