Millennial Dating

     I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only girl who grew up dreaming about her dream wedding all through her teenage years. As I got older, I started planning what age I wanted to get married and what type of guy I wanted to marry. Sadly, I am now in college and nowhere near finding the boy of my dreams.

     

     Dating has always been something that I have struggled with but since joining the LDS church I have found it even harder to date. The church encourages us to date around and find out what type of person is a good fit for us, but it seems to me that the type of dating these days isn't very effective. It seems like people nowadays are most focused on the physical aspects of the relationship instead of taking the time to really get to know each other. 

     

     This week in class we learned about an equation that helps two people really get to know each other. 

          

     Togetherness (shared activities)

     Talk (mutual self-disclosure)

   +Time (3-6 months to really start to get to know someone)

    -----------------

     Know

     Getting to know someone is so important because in a relationship, passionate love, which includes physical intimacy, can only be dominant for so long. People who tend to build a relationship solely on physical affection tend to have problems staying in those relationships because they later realize that a relationship can't survive on just that. There needs to be a balance in many aspects of the relationship. In a book called How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk by John Van Epp, he describes what is called the RAM model which stands for Relationship Attachment Model. 

(Image source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/72268769001127641/?lp=true)

     The RAM model describes how in a relationship you must get to know someone before you can trust them, trust them before you can rely on them, rely on them before committing to them, and committing to them before there is any physical touch. 

     I really liked this model, but I feel like a lot of couples are moving too fast into physical touch and not taking the time to get to know each other. As a result of this, I have witnessed so many couples get divorced or brake off engagements. Obviously breaking off an engagement is better than getting married and then having to get divorced because the marriage didn't work out, but as a single girl who already struggles with dating, seeing how things have turned out with others doesn't necessarily get me excited to go out and date. 

     So, for those of you out there who feel the same way I do about dating but want to get out there and give it a go, just remember Togetherness, Talk, and Time! These are the three most important things to knowing someone. Also, remember the RAM model and keep the balance with know, trust, rely, commit, and touch. The physical part of a relationship might seem more fun and appealing, but remember the goal is a long lasting relationship not a NCMO.