The Struggle is Real

I recently learned that the fertility rate in the U.S has gone down quite a bit, and if it gets any lower we eventually will reach a point to where the population of the earth will start to decline. I am not so worried about the earth being under populated or over populated though, “For the earth is full, and there is enough and to spare…” (D&C 104:17). What worries me is the fact that less and less children are being born. This wouldn’t be much of a concern to me if I wasn’t a member of the LDS church, but because families are ordained of God and are the central focus of His plan, it’s kind of a scary thought. I have always known, growing up, that someday I would like to become a mother. Since converting to the church I have come to understand that becoming a mother is my calling, but I have also discovered that not every woman, LDS or not, feels the same way. I have made friends throughout my time attending BYUI and have discovered that some close friends of mine really don’t think they are fit to become mothers. I wonder if this is a fear of whether they will be good or bad mothers or if they struggle with the idea to have to be responsible for someone else.  

                I can’t pretend to know their reasons for not wanting to have children, but when it comes down to it, the people that I have met that don’t have or want children have always been strong independent women who are career focused. I recently saw a documentary that mentioned that the fertility rate started to decline because of the women’s revolution, sexual revolution, divorce revolution, and individualism. All these things have contributed to such low fertility rates, but the one that has probably been the most damaging, at least in my opinion, is individualism.

                As a college student I myself have come to realize that living away from family can be kind of liberating. I was always dependent on my parents, siblings, and friends, but when I got to college all of it changed. I no longer had to let my parents know where I was going, how long I was going to be, or even check in when I got home. I was forced to grow up and become responsible for my own actions. I quickly recognized that I liked having my independence. I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed my independence until I had to live with my sister for six months to help her care for her seven-month-old daughter. Her husband worked so we were stuck at home most of the time. This meant that my sister and I would spend all day with my very energetic niece. As adorable as she is, she would ware us out. I learned very quickly that parenting is extremely hard! I didn’t have to take care of her 24/7 or even do all the things a mother does, but even then, it got me thinking if I really wanted to have children someday. It made me question if I would be a good mother or if I would even be capable of doing it. I would look at my sister, who I believe to be one of the strongest women I know and see that she would even struggle with being a mother and questioned her own capability. If she struggles I know for sure I will. In a book I read for a parenting class I am taking I learned about how men and women’s brains are wired differently for a reason. Women’s brains are wired to be more nurturing which is very important when it comes to having children. But what if we don’t consider ourselves to be very nurturing? Something my professor said was, “If women feel like they aren’t nurturing it doesn’t mean that they won’t be good mothers, they still have a female brain. Those nurturing feelings are just dormant. They are like dry mix, they just need water to be activated.”

                Obviously, I don’t have kids and question my capability of raising them, but it’s really comforting to know that I was created by a loving Heavenly Father who does everything for a reason. I am more okay with the idea of someday having children because I know that my Heavenly Father created me in a way to be capable of doing that.